As many of my close friends know, things have been stressful in our household for sometime now – for me in particular (or maybe I just don't deal as well with it as I would like). For many, many months I have been fighting, crying and threatening God (yes, I am that childish/sinful/stupid at times) and wondering why on earth He placed my family in this situation. Well I am happy to report that I have come to terms with this stress and have come to even understand a little of "why on earth" God placed my family here, at this moment, with these people. This comfort came on Friday, February 4 at exactly 7:46pm. Yes, it was that big a deal that I actually marked the time.
What a tremendous relief to know that I am stronger in my faith because of all this. For so long I was convinced that I would lose my faith over this whole situation (and believe me, I came close). I think I even scared my husband a few times with how depressed I was and how much I hated God for what I saw as a punishment. But it wasn’t! Not in the least. What a fantastic, unexplainable blessing it was to be put through what I – what my family – was put though.
Coming to grips with what the future holds is a wonderful feeling. It is a feeling that I don’t think I have ever truly experienced before. It was as if God reached down, drew me close and told me the why of it all and while I don’t know what exactly the future holds I am, without a doubt, convinced that it is something absolutely amazing. Best of all, I know that it will all have been worth it to get to the place God has in store for us.
I know that no matter what happens, I will be all right, my husband will be all right, and our children with be all right. It is seriously unbelievable this “knowledge” I have now. I know the immediate road ahead will hold its potholes and dead ends, ups and downs, but I also believe with all my heart that we will get there . . . and we will get there soon, no worse for wear.